I’ve spoken a few times about quitting my job in April because my mental health had flatlined and I was totally burnt out.
One of the things I wanted to do this summer was to start running again. I saw it as a simple way to keep fitness up and try to come back feeling fitter than before.
Kieran said he’d join in too and set the challenge of running a marathon with a 20kg ruck bag. Yes, 20kg on his back.
I said I’d run a half and do the training with him. Then of course within a few weeks I had FOMO and said I’d do the whole thing.
[Check out our YouTube channel to see how it went...]
We ran 2-3 times a week for 12 weeks.
We went from not running for months, to running a marathon inside 90 days.
And it was probably exactly what I needed.
This was an opportunity to switch off from the world, responsibility, my thoughts. When I trained for a half marathon before, I found this to be the case too. It was the only exercise and situation I could quiet my brain, allow it to be still.
I used to cycle around London and between dodging cars and buses, it was where I had my best clarity and creative thoughts.
Over the three months, especially on the long runs, we came up with great ideas and explored what we wanted to do. In a way we couldn’t when we were sat working.
It created space.
We listened to great podcasts, music, quiet, and talked.
Honestly, running started to heal me.
Before leaving London, the thing I knew was the final straw for my mental health was having multiple days in a row of leaving the house at 5.20am, and driving home at 9pm.
This would generally be three times a week.
I’d work six days a week most of the time.
From November to April, I’d have at least one day a week I’d wonder what would happen if I just drove through busy red lights into traffic. Is what I was doing worth the stress and lack of sleep.
I was in a dark place.
From late December a few people knew where I was and things got better. Mostly because plans were then in place to make a change. To leave. I didn’t know if the madness and fullness of my life was me.
The job.
My high expectations.
London.
Getting out of London has certainly made a difference to that sense of business. As has following my own path rather than someone else's.
But mostly, running. Getting into the meditative state and not having expectations for how good, fast, anything I needed to be.
Once the half marathon distance was out the way, I had no expectations. I just went out to move 3km further than the week before. Even if I walked. The goal was just getting it done.
And that was the best movement had felt in a long time. Granted, obviously sore, we were training for a marathon after all.
But I wasn’t telling myself I should be a certain speed or have certain capabilities.
I wasn’t checking my phone, ever.
I was just moving, quieting my mind and listening to what I needed most.
Water, a gel, a walk.
It took until 10 days before heading home (over 2.5 months) to start feeling like my old self again. My traveling, happy, mid-20s self.
Longer than I honestly expected it would be.
Now we’re back in the UK and planning our next steps and next challenge,
I’m pumped to help women in their 30s and 40s to listen to the voice inside that is screaming at them about what they need most. Because they know inside what they need, they just need to listen to themselves rather than other people.
I realised the other day this burnout recovery is like an injury.
You do the rehab and you feel good.
So you slack off the rehab.
You add in the workouts you haven’t done for a while.
Bit by bit the pain comes back, until it’s worse than before.
And then you have a bigger project.
I don’t want the bigger recovery project.
I need a little longer (3 months, maybe), with the freedom and flexibility to really fall in love with life again.
Structured, working life, from different desks, coffee shops and locations.
If my story sounds like yours, give me a follow: @amygormancoach and join my email list for regular updates on how it’s all going!
If you want help with your journey to listening to your gut - shoot me and email and let’s talk about how I can help: amy@empowerfitnessnutrition.co.uk
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