In March I stopped wearing my Garmin watch. In part because the strap was ready to snap. But more so, because I was going through a period of stress and having a permanent reminder that I wasn’t sleeping or recovering well, wasn’t the reminder I needed to help me take charge, or feel better.
Really, when was the last time you had a device shout at you on the daily that you were 40% human and found it useful?!
So I stopped in anticipation before that reminder started. I want to talk about why and what happened.
What are the most stressful things you can think to do?
Move house
Quit a job
Go traveling
Move back in with your parents
Move in with your partners parents
Quit your job to grow your own business
Yep, I’m the idiot that did all of those things. At one time.
It was a big end to 2023, making plans to make the biggest life change so far. Granted over the last ten years, since leaving University, I’ve made several fairly significant changes. I went from working in PR in Scotland, to interning and studying in New York. I came back briefly and moved to London to work in a different sector. I did that job for four years before deciding to study nutrition, simultaneously getting promoted to run a team for a thing I’d never really done before. When I realised the job wasn’t the one for me, but coaching made me much more excited, I quit the job to pursue nutrition and train as a PT to go alongside it.
Then walked into COVID. Stuck in the house. What a time for change.
With my new qualification in my inbox, ready to take on the world, interviews set up and ready to go. The world shut. With my zero experience and job prospects in my new sector, I was in a mini panic. Rather than move home and save on rent, I took the approach of toughing it out and making something of the time - build my website, start my brand, get some online clients, see how we go. I did half of that in a few weeks. Then some freelance jobs in my old sector came in, so I was fairly well occupied for the duration of COVID.
I basically spent lockdown burying myself in work, building a business and doing fitness in my sunny back garden. It wasn’t half bad!
I look back now and miss the simplicity of life back then.
As we came out of lockdowns and coaching life picked up, I took on more and more. I would take more coaching hours, I would take freelance work, I would pick up nutrition clients. I was increasingly tired but keen to gain experience, especially as a new person in the industry - I wanted to make up time.
After a couple of years in the first coaching job, it was time for a new adventure and chance to establish myself as the coach I wanted to be, rather than always pretend like I was still new and make excuses for it. The next two years led to more opportunities, more growth and great potential to learn from amazing coaches around me. I tried more CrossFit group coaching, more personal training, group nutrition and built up my base of individual nutrition.
But the thing I realised more and more as the years went on was. As a coach, or a self employed/freelancer, it’s really fucking hard to take holidays.
Between not wanting to lump your colleague in the shit when you take time off and sinking them in hours. Plus not wanting your time off to cost double - the amount it costs for the trip, plus the income you’re not getting whilst you’re away. And I felt some level of obligation to my clients to not move their sessions around or mess with their schedule (which I know full well would be absolutely fine and they wouldn’t question it at all!).
So now we’ve had a good chunk of time with limited breaks and my stress levels are already at a fairly chronic level. It was time for a change. But at this point that change needed to be a bit more of a pull the band aid off, cut the cord, take a leap.
Quit the job. Leave the flat. Leave the city. Leave the country. Go to where it feels safe. Reset.
The point I got to, let’s be real, is exactly the place I’d try to make sure a client never gets to. That’s why for most of the last three years I’ve had a coach to help make sure I look after myself, pushing me to say no, take rest and care about my wellbeing. They just never knew I really needed a holiday - classic!
This is also the place that I’m more passionate than ever to make sure people that work with me totally avoid. I know that chasing a career is important, it’s always felt like the most important thing for me. But now I want to build the life and career that allows me to actually look after myself and the coaches that work with me.
So, now we’ve had that little divergence to explain where I was. Why did I stop wearing the stupid watch?
I knew that stress was going to get higher. With leaving celebrations, early starts and late finishes, I knew that sleep was going to be reduced in quantity and quality. But honestly, I wanted to enjoy those things, be present, say goodbye and have fun doing it. Rather than have a little devil at the end of my arm telling me that I was treading a fine line on recovery.
I did my best to still shop and meal prep each week. I would train 4-5 times a week. Sleep would be less, but that’s going to happen anyway when you’re waking at 5/6am most days and your hours are the opposite to most people (5-9am, lunchtime, then 5-9pm)
I wanted to keep my lifestyle as consistent as possible, so I didn’t feel terrible when the madness passed. I didn’t need the period of feeling terrible to go on and on and be hard to get out of. So the focus was on maintaining where I’d got my fitness to, having fun, fuelling my life and being able to enjoy it all, as much as I could.
I knew that from periods in the past where sleep has been down, I remembered the pressure to get a better score on the watch. That my recovery had to be as close to 100% as possible. That I had to do whatever was in my power. My sleep had to be perfect. Even if it was subconscious.
It was like going to bed each night wondering if I’d set myself up well enough for a good night's sleep. Had I studied hard enough to pass. Had I wound down well enough, made the room cool, dark or quiet enough to get a good rest.
Have you ever had that feeling with your watch?
I knew the process of packing, planning, moving, writing business plans, booking flights, researching accommodation was all going to be kind of fun, but also really quite nerve racking. So I ditched one piece of data and decided it was time to prioritise my built in measuring system.
Going off what my body felt.
The reality?
I felt a hell of a lot better.
Each of the individual pieces was ok. I could pack up in small amounts, I could chip away at sections of the business plan, I could book the flight that was most imminently needed. Everything was so unknown that I had nothing to specifically focus on.
I enjoyed social plans more than I had done in ages. I enjoyed training more than I had done since last summer. I was making the most of time with friends and finding ways to cancel unfulfilling things to make time for friends or rest instead.
I don’t think much of this had anything to do with the watch, and instead with the realisation that time would soon run out and I didn’t want to regret not doing nice things with good people.
I stopped putting as much pressure on myself to perform. If a lift felt good, I’d go heavier. If it didn’t feel good as I warmed up, I’d do more warming up and see how it went. I wasn’t fixated on the numbers I had to hit or any other nonsense. I just let my brain switch off a little and enjoy life.
It sounds silly really, these things shouldn’t feel so hard. But sometimes we get so stuck in our life and a rut and our expectations that it can be hard to take a step back.
I found that I wasn’t able to check the number of hours of sleep, or the percentage recovery. Instead I would just make sure I worked backward to ensure I was in bed on time, or I’d take the morning slower, or I’d plan in 20 minutes here and there to chill, or get myself a nice coffee, or spend an extra few minutes chatting to people that filled my cup.
It wasn’t complicated, it was just nice things to do.
When it came to starting to add the watch back in, I actually felt kind of nervous, silly as it seems.
But I wanted to be able to track distance and pace easily when we’d go out for long training runs. Nothing else.
One night I kept it on whilst I slept and woke up feeling disappointed that my recovery wasn’t better. How could it possible be at 60% when I’ve been more relaxed and eating plenty and sleeping well.
Because my body and mind were still in recovery.
I wasn’t ready for the data. Just the running maths.
So I took it back off and focused more on the small things. Was I eating enough veg, was I drinking enough water, was I spending too much time on my phone.
I gave it another week and tried again. 100%.
I’m still not sold on wearing it all the time, especially as we’re about to go to the sun and I don’t want tan lines (shallow, I know!). But it’s been interesting to see how I’ve mentally adjusted and tried to reset my body over the last few months and seen the change in my mindset as a result.
I’ve seen the way I approach situations and decisions and considered what’s going to get the best outcome, for me, not someone else.
There isn’t necessarily advice in this article. More sharing that stress, life and anxiety happen. It’s part of the shit and the glory of life adventures. Where we learn and grow, at least for the future. Sometimes it’s about taking action to stop things from happening. Whilst other times, it’s about just taking the watch off so you don’t need to see what’s happening and act on your instincts to keep powering on.
Not the instinct that say “break yourself”, “you need to do more”, “why are you only doing that much”. Instead the one that is kind, patient and understanding, telling you to rest and look after yourself from the long run. The one that we’re good at thinking is lying and thinking the mean one is the one to listen to.
Maybe a similar thing is happening now, but you want to know the data. You’re not sleeping well, you’re not sleeping through the night, you’re waking up still tired. But you want the proof that you’re not just imagining it. The proof that something is wrong.
STOP. Take the watch off for a day or two. Listen to the kind, patient, thoughtful voice deep in the back of your mind.
Rest up. Invest in your future you. They want to feel good too and they know how to get there - because they’re through the current crap.
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